This is the fifth part of my week long series called Best Year Ever.
Click Here to Read Part 1 (Your Best Physical Year Ever)
Click Here to Read Part 2 (Your Best Mental Year Ever)
Click Here to Read Part 3 (Your Best Emotional Year Ever)
Click Here to Read Part 4 (Your Best Spiritual Year Ever)
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“But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.” – Khalil Gibran
In the last of the Best Year Ever series, it is important not only to talk about the personal, individual qualities to improve upon, but also the interpersonal qualities that we engage in on a daily basis.
Of course, the idea of improving upon’s oneself is key in order to improve upon his/her relationships with others, but since we have already discussed the “four needs of humans” (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual); it is now time to discuss the last of what I believe is just as important and necessary a need is than the other four: the need for relationships.
The Bible speaks of relationships. The Bible is a collection of stories: monologues and dialogues of human beings over a 4,000 year time span. It contains a wealth of knowledge about how to be in relationship with God and with others. It also contains stories about what to do and not to do in relationships. The principal characters of The Bible are complex, intriguing, flawed, and interesting. They show us what it really means to be human, and what it means to be someone who is sincerely trying to follow the Supreme Being called God.
In this post, I want to briefly share with you some principles all of us need in order to develop deeply meaningful relationships with each other. It seems like more than ever, in this technological age, that we have traded in meaningful relationships and face-to-face interactions for “friends” & “follows” and text messaging & “Facetime.” Yet, because of these changes, it is more important than ever to get back to where we can truly enhance our social skills and learn to take the risk and take in the reward of deep, meaningful, and fulfilling relationships.
1. We need to be welcoming
“Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” (Hebrews 13:1-2)
If you haven’t noticed, the world likes to divide itself in many ways: socially, racially, socio-economically, religiously, and so forth. The world likes to create division amongst itself and these groups like to one up each other to see which one is the “greatest.”
Yet, when we look at the life of Jesus, we see a man who desired reconciliation: that is a loaded word that means the restoration of relationship. Jesus desired that the world would be restored to Himself: to the Godhead. This restoration is what we call in theology, salvation.
Throughout life, there are people who come and go into our lives. These people all come into our lives to teach us how to be better, to make us better, sometimes to make us worse, and then to make us better again. What all of this has in common is the idea of welcoming. We welcome people into our lives, sometimes it works out and sometime it doesn’t. But, through it all, God desires for us to welcome all. He wants us to love others like we love our closest family and friends.
2. We need to do good and share generously
“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” (Hebrews 13:16)
One of the beautiful things we saw in the New Testament is when the early church was first formed. They met in homes and they took care of each others needs. It was truly a beautiful display of the love God has for us and how God takes care of our needs.
As a society, we’ve lost that mentality. Individualism took over as a main philosophical belief. Take care of yourself and do not be concerned about anyone else. We’ve let our government do better than the Church. It shouldn’t be that way. God didn’t desire it to be that way. The early church did not live that way.
When you come across someone who is in need, give sacrificially. Look for others who want to help others and build a team that makes a difference in your community. Partner with a church or non-profit and look to volunteer some of your time. There is so much we can do to make our communities better, and so display the love of Christ.
3. We need to be encouraging
“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”
(1 Thessalonians 5:11)
We display ourselves so publicly now that most of us don’t realize that so many of our family, friends, and acquaintances are hurting. Deep down inside they are in pain and need some encouragement to get through the various trials and difficulties of life. That is why developing deep, meaningful relationships is so important. Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram isn’t going to tell you how someone is really doing, how someone is really feeling. It comes through developing roots in the relationship over a period of time.
Encouragement can come through a text, a phone call, a handwritten letter. It comes best over a cup of coffee or a delicious lunch. To truly be encouraging doesn’t mean to load the person in need of empty platitudes or unwanted advice, but to give that person a listening ear and compassionate connection.
4. We need to show kindness and forgiveness
“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
The most difficult part of relationships is where there is conflict or disagreement. It’s easy to be a friend when things are going good, is when things take a turn that makes showing kindness and forgiveness even more difficult. That is the whole point of kindness, to show consideration to someone who might not reciprocate. That is the whole point of forgiveness, to stop showing anger or resentment to one who has hurt you.
The reasons why God desires for us to show kindness and display forgiveness to each other is not for the sake of our relationships, though God cares about our relationships and desires harmony in them. The primary reason He desires for us to do these things is because Christ Himself has done this in our lives. Showing kindness and displaying forgiveness is not just something we do for the good of others, it is literally a way we worship our God.
5. We need to speak positivity
“Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.”
(Proverbs 12:18)
One of my biggest character flaws is that I can be a very sarcastic person. Sometimes when I am with a group of people that know me well, the sarcasm is harmless and funny at times. But when I am meeting a new group of people, and I’m sarcastic; it can come off as rude and condescending. Sarcasm, along with other qualities, can cause others to think of you less. Itcan hurt your potential to make friends with decent people, and it can hurt your other relationships as well: especially with family and co-workers.
It is important that we watch the words that we speak, that we write down, and even those that we think. Words have a force and a power that should not be underestimated. We need to speak positivity, to speak life into others. When we do this, we perpetuate the love of Christ.
6. We need to be loyal and keep our promises
“The Lord hates those who don’t keep their word, but he delights in those who do.”
(1 Peter 4:8)
If there is just one characteristic to focus on in your life, it would have to be loyalty. This world is a cutthroat world: a world that is “dog eat dog” and “survival of the fittest.” It seems like everyday there are dozens, if not hundreds, of relationships that disintegrate and fall apart. One of the main reasons why they do is because of a breech of loyalty. The most obvious example in a breech of loyalty in relationships is in marriage. Marriage is a life-long commitment, and yet the divorce rate historically has hovered around 50%. Half of all marriages fail statistically. When there is no loyalty, there is no relationship.
It is important that in establishing and growing your relationships with others, that you instill loyalty into the relationship. Show that you are someone who can be trusted, who can keep promises when made, and who can be loyal no matter the circumstances.
These are just some of the most important qualities in developing deep, meaningful relationships with those around you. It is my hope and prayer for you that you will take the risk of creating and maintaining relationships, and that you will receive the reward of loving others as Christ loves us.
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Tomorrow (January 7th), I will be wrapping up the Best Year Ever series with a recap of what I have discussed this week, and to also share with you some things I am working on for the coming year. I hope you check it out!
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